After the loss

Finding a new ‘normal’ after a child dies

When Kelly and Brett Parsons were expecting their second child, they made all the normal plans. They started teaching their 4-year-old son, Jack, about being a big brother.

But 26 weeks into the pregnancy, the baby’s umbilical cord had become wrapped around her body, and they were faced with delivering a stillborn daughter. To add additional stress a  miscarriage followed, just months later.

Tammy and Doug Meredith’s daughter, Ella, was born 4½ weeks early. On her third day home, Ella stopped breathing. Doctors determined she had viral meningitis that attacked her tiny body, causing heart and liver damage. Despite their efforts, the doctors were unable to save her.

“When something like this happens to you, you feel very alone,” Tammy said. “You take care of yourself and do everything right, and the unthinkable happens.”

“You feel like you’ll never be the same, and you never will be,” Kelly said. “I was afraid I was different. I’ve learned I’m a new normal.”

Losing a child to stillbirth, miscarriage or early infant death affects the entire family, according to Rev. Amy McClain, chaplain, Norton Suburban Hospital.

“Many times, especially for younger people, this is their first experience losing a loved one,” McClain said. “Finding support is most important – whether it’s a group like Consoling Parents, a pastor or someone in church, a friend or family member – the best thing is having someone to listen and just to say, ‘I’m sorry.’”

                                                –Maggie Roetker

Consoling Parents

Consoling Parents, a free support group formed in 1979 by the Norton Healthcare pastoral care department, meets the second and fourth Tuesdays of each month at Beargrass Christian Church, 4100 Shelbyville Road. People of all faiths and hospital affiliations are welcome.

Support subgroups are available specifically for fathers and grandparents, as well as online message boards for those who may be uncomfortable with group attendance.

Consoling Parents delivers “Empty Arms” teddy bears to bereaved mothers while they are in the hospital, so they do not go home with empty arms.

On Sept. 21, Consoling Parents will hold its fourth annual Walk to Remember to honor children who have been lost to miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death. More than 750 people attended the event in 2007.

“Even if you’re not the type of person who likes a support group, you may be surprised,” Tammy said. “There’s a need to talk about your child.”

“The group is a safe place where you can talk about your child and everyone understands,” Kelly said.

For more information on Consoling Parents, visit ConsolingParents.org or call (502)629-1234.

How you can help

To make a donation to support Consoling Parents or the Empty Arms bear project, visit NortonHealthcareFoundation.com or call (502) 629-8060.